Philosophies behind the madness

Here is a list of parenting philosophies which, I believe, result in the fun, relaxing, somewhat orderly home I am enjoying today. In no particular order:

- My relationship with John comes first. When my children ask me "who do you love the most?" (and someday they will), I will say "Daddy". It does no one any good to reorder the world when the first baby is born. It was John and I (go team!) before babies were born and it will be John and I (go team!) after they grow up and go away. The best thing you can do for your children is love your spouse the bestest. John once stated it this way ... children are production, wife is capital. Well said, dear!

- The tip top priorities of our household are all of the usuals ... love, respect, fun, etc. That being said, our house functions around the needs of grown ups. Who then, voluntarily, lovingly and selflessly, meet the needs of other household members. This works well for us. Bedtime is enforced primarily for parental sanity. The side benefits of healthy, happy children are important, but secondary. We listen to grown up music when in the car together. We watch grown up tv when watching together. I am not criticizing the millions of parents who rely on children music/tv for survival. We don't, that's all. At least not normally. At least not yet.

- There is nothing wrong with crying, it doesn't hurt anyone (unless you count ears). As my child, you are welcome to vent your frustration with my stalin style parenting so long as the decibels are within reason. If they stray above, you will be warned. If you choose to scream yourself silly, you may be ushered into the mudroom (where my outdoor plants are weathering winter) and the french door (so we can still appreciate the visual theatrics) will be closed.

- It is good to examine one's self and be honest about parenting failures. My biggie is that both of my children still take a bottle to bed. With milk. AFTER teeth are brushed. Don't all of those little teeth fall out anyway? If the answer is yes, then I admit to not always remembering tooth brushing before everyone is sleeping soundly. On nights when I am on top of my game, they "brush teeth" unassisted and without toothpaste. One more thing, can't imagine this matters (much), I have delivered flouride drops to their cute little mouths twice. Well to Claire's cute little mouth twice. To Ava's mouth possibly not ever. I was pleased to learn from a friend that there is quite a raging debate concerning flouride. I stand firmly behind the side that claims it is poison! In summary, there is always room for parental improvement.

- I am in charge. When John is home, I graciously allow him to be in charge (as honorary, absent parent). Occasionally, I designate Claire to be in charge of things like passing out french fries in the back seat. Beyond this, I make the decisions at our house. I decide what we eat for lunch, for breakfast, if a snack is necessary, what that snack will be. I even decide what we will all wear for the day. Don't envy me ... this is not the glamorous job Claire and Ava think it is. If they ever do overthrow me, they are in for bitter disappointment.

- No one in our house is malnurished or is likely to ever be. Children now and again (or even always, I've heard) refuse food. I am down with this. I like to say "we eat when we're hungry, we don't when we're not!" and I have two sharklike dogs roaming around as an alternative to eating food yourself. If you leave the table to skip around and play, your dinner may be reallocated to a lesser species. We don't apologize for this. To be fair to the two year old mind, verbal warnings are normally given. In general, a little competition makes everyone a lot hungrier.

- My home houses girls but is not a "home for girls". I am a stickler for toys being limited to bedrooms (and not my bedroom). This is admittedly hard to enforce with young children, but in general, my goal is that visitors, upon entering our front door, suspect but are not entirely certain that children live here. On our "living floor", I have conceded one cabinet for toys in the livingroom and a highchair of natural wood construction in the kitchen. A free range push car and tricycle also live permanently on this floor. That's it. except for a kiddie kitchen that lurks in a corner of the livingroom. It is on its way upstairs as soon as I can lure a man here to help me move it (dad, that's you!). It was a Christmas present and I issued it a temporary pass.

To be fair, I should mention that part of the reason I am enjoying a fun, relaxing and orderly home today is that I am the ONLY one home today. Yes, today is my day off, what I call a "baby spa" day, a day when children are magically transported (by car) to "baby spa" (aka in-laws'). Watch for posts regarding this glorious and special day which occurs roughly once a week.