The Question

Last night, as we got ready for bed, I asked John "if you could do it all over again ... having the kids ... would you?" He was understandably shocked "Of COURSE! What would I do without the girls?"

I followed him into his closet and qualified my question slightly to reflect my own answer "I mean, if you didn't KNOW anything about them ... if you just knew what it would be like ..." He didn't answer and walked back toward our bed.

I brushed my teeth, climbed into bed and persisted "Well, would you? Hmmmmmmm???" No answer.

I couldn't wait for him to politely reverse the question any longer "well I think I would say 'no thank you' I don't really think I could handle all of that" Silence as my answer sinks into the air of the room. No no! I retreat "no, actually, I think I would say 'no thank you' but then regret it severely later".

Yes, and THAT is my final answer. I like to say that no person in his or her right mind would choose to have children if he or she truly understood what is required. The sneaky thing is, you can't KNOW what is required until AFTER you have the kids. And then it is too late ... you are hooked. It reminds me of a frozen food vendor who shows up at my door once or twice a year peddling $20/pound pork tenderloin. He wants to give me something for free, secure that I will find thawing out his delicious food for dinner irresistible, rendering me stupid. If he was peddling babies, he would be absolutely right. Well, maybe not frozen babies.

The thing is, there is nothing less convenient than having a baby. They show up out of nowhere, all cute and little, needing endless tactical things like food, baths and diapers. You, new parent, stride forward, scoop up the little creature and go about caring for her. She is needy, sure, but you know how to fix things. A new diaper, a cuddle, a drive, food. It is certainly no harder than your last project at your "real job". You are thrilled to discover that she has a personality, that she smiles she laughs she wants no one but YOU. All of those things are like a bonus because, oddly, you would provide diaper changes, drives, etc without her ever responding in any way. And it is right about this time you realize you are hooked, so hooked you can't only NOT go back but you can't even WANT TO go back. And there are no addiction groups urging you to quit, offering their compassionate support to help you get back on your feet. No, the entire world (this bears iteration ... the ENTIRE WORLD) expects you to not only continue, but to get further and further hooked. It is a crazy situation but you don't have time to or want to think about it. You just dive in further.

Odor free newborn diapers turn into dry heaving spells that leave your eyes watering. And yet you smile adoringly at your sweet little girl as you will your stomach to calm. The other day, being pregnant, I barely managed to finish the wiping process before saying reassuringly to Claire "be right back, sweetheart" and charged off to the bathroom. I spent the next five minutes retching. Claire rushed in after me, concerned "Mommy, you sick?" and I managed to open my eyes a bit to see her sweet little face hovering over the bowl with a look of understanding concern. I SMILED, melting at the sight of someone so sweet and caring as to get that close to such an ugly operation. My thoughts were entirely centered on her ... was she disturbed to see me in that state? Would it damage her trust in me? Would I get another diaper on her in time?? I swayed back into the nursery to finish the job and change her sister's disgusting diaper. And I can offer no better illustration of the madness than this.

But another, almost as good ... about a week ago, Claire called me from the living room. I rushed in to be of assistance, getting down to her level (as all the books recommend), peering into her little face, hoping to help. She looked at me with those big brown eyes. And sneezed right in my face. No, that isn't why she had called me over. She wanted to talk about juice boxes. I wiped the spittle from my eyes and mouth and agreed to rush order her a juice box. I have been sick ever since and am coughing now.

To top it off, I am voluntarily having another one. There is no explanation for this kind of behavior. "Thank you sir. May I have another?" Insane. But I am not alone. The world nods its head with me "ha ha, so true so true". But I will say that if John was one day in my role, he would have answered my question without any politically correct rhetoric. No! Is anyone crazy enough to do this KNOWINGLY?