What I was thinking

You (dad) wonder "what is she thinking having all of those babies in rapid succession". While I have no convincing explanation ... at least not one that would convince any of you (dad) to follow my footsteps (were that biologically possible), I do have what I call Reasons (not Excuses) for my curious decisions ...

Having been raised in an abusive household ...

Okay, really. I dated the best I could from (roughly) 16 to 33 which is A LONG TIME. It was miserable, with me naively hoping each successively more idiotic idiot would be a prince charming. I made horrible boyfriend choices who refused to turn into good husband material. Leaving our hero languishing and single in New York City at the ripe old age of 33. Enters John Zhang, Hui John Zhang, the world's most eligible bachelor (willing to be with me). It was a blind date that quickly hurdled out of control to the point of marriage. I will devote a future post to this amazing man who rescued me from the bowels of careerdom, but for now, back to our hero ...

When we married, I was 34. We both wanted "at least three children". While pregnant with my first child, I quickly caught on to the fact that I was (already!) of "advanced maternal age". That was a shock to realize! How could this be? Young, spirited me, still hopelessly hoping for a pony for Christmas, of ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE. Weekly fetal stress tests, frequent sonograms, and manditory genetic counseling made it clear the window of opportunity for building our family was slamming shut.

Claire was a fabulous little baby, easy and beautiful, always smiling and cheerful with a uplifting word for everyone she encountered. I thought "this is lovely. I want another!" I called John at work with my revelation and, without any disturbing details, I was reexpecting days later. The pregnancy test result was a bit of a shock. I'd thought we'd be going through the trevails of advanced age conception issues. It was shocking but exciting, like touching an electric fence. Zowee! TWO babies 12 months apart! And to ensure my place in family history, I had Ava three days SHY of 12 months after Claire. So that we celebrated Claire's first birthday in the hospital room with Ava still unable to open her sweet puffy little eyes.

Well I was pleased. It was no small amount of work chasing Claire up and down the stairs with newborn Ava in hand, but they were just lovely, both of them. I wanted more. I informed John that to get the ultimate use from our working capital of maternity and baby clothes, we should aim for a third one year later, so "on schedule" (if you have been pregnant or had a newborn, you will understand the incredible complexity of size and season for the clothes that go with ... more blog fodder.). This was a time of hubris in my life, when I assumed that I, baby generating extraordinaire could flip them out like pancakes. Or those machines that transport balls down the lanes at bowling allies. Sheesh. Enter GOD. He immediately detected the weaknesses in my best laid plan and saw fit to push the pause button for an entire year and then some before we conceived again.

So here I sit, one day after our level two ultrasound which revealed our third little miss is on the way (with upper thigh bones, a spine and a decent heart and brain). I type in spite of lots of calls from the nursery down the hall ("LiSSSAAA, where are you?"). Most of my computer time is what I call "stolen" ...