Toy Management (the totalitarian way)

I mentioned before that my home, at certain times on certain days, looks as though children do not live there. Now you are either rolling your eyes in disgust (ugh, who does this woman think she is, erasing signs of existance of her own children) or you are interested (hmmm, I LIKE it!). For those of you with open minds and narrow hearts, here is a list of the general principles that keep the toys under control at my house:

- I am anti Dora, Disney, Elmo, other stupid kid characters. I am anti character (while still managing to keep plenty for myself) because I think it provides questionable roll models and encourages children to beg (for additional toys). I mean really. Do I want my two year old daughter to relate with any of the Disney princesses? No, I don't want her hoping for and dreaming/wondering about prince charming, or worrying about being the most beautiful. How could I be so anti princess? I don't know, but I wouldn't be sorry if they were all swept away in an avalanche. This will never happen because of that blasted vault where they are all kept locked away for twenty years at a time to be digitalized and sold to mobs for limited times only. What dross. Dora is just addictive ... which of us hasn't heard a small child exclaim with misplaced joy "DORRRRAAAAA!!!!" I don't like the looks of that girl. My poor sister lives with a super scary dora doll that has hair that "grows" if you pull on it really hard. It's those big huge eyes that I find most disturbing. I prefer crafty little eyes like my own. Then there is Dora's entire entourage ... Diego, the odd animals, that sneaky fox like thing. Elmo is just annoying. I don't like the color of his fur (I doubt it is his REAL fur color anyway) and the way his eyeballs are planted on top of his head is yucky. So ... I systematically Weed Out (Take Out, Take Care Of, Remove) most character toys that wander our way. I have made exceptions, however ... we have a Disney Princess keyboard and a My Little Pony pony. And honestly, are Melissa & Doug any better? I mean, who are those people? No matter how much I refuse to give in to the temptation of character toys, my daughters still know all of their names and Claire likes to talk about Barney and sing his clean up clean up song. One learns to bend a bit on these things.

- Every toy lives in a specific place in our house. Toys that appeal to very small people, such as blocks, live in the nursery. I run a super tight ship in there ... certain toys belong on the shelves, others in the toy box, others in the closet on the higher shelves ... I am inflexible on where each toy should spend most of its day. I renest the stacking blocks, separate the farm animal set from the wooden toys, and comb through everything on occassion to toss out broken toys and to goodwill unused toys. The truth is I do all of this out of pure obsession. As toys are being played with, they are also being tidied and put away. Sometimes Claire says "Mommy, NO! I PLAYING with this" and I find it necessary to back off for a moment. My excuse for my behavior is that Claire and Ava and their unfortunate siblings will have it in their heads that everything has a place and that orderliness should prevail. Bath toys go in the bathroom in a "toy bowl" which is an adapted cereal bowl. Toys for the preschool set stay in the girls' bedroom upstairs. Certain, extra blessed toys have been granted leasehold rights on the living floor. Could all of this be the secret to raising children who crave clean bedrooms? We will see.

- To make up for the character thing, I allow Claire to collect and keep rocks. She has three at the moment ... a pink one I bought for her, an ugly one from a walk we took last summer in our neighborhood (possibly a chunk of asphalt), and one I brought back from Arizona. I didn't buy her a toy or a souvenir ... I brought her a rock. And she was thrilled! Sometimes she says with palpable concern, "Mom! Where is my Awelona rock?!"

- If something seems like it could possibly be harmful, like a toy with a long string, I just get rid of it. You could argue that rocks are not particularly safe, but boy are they inexpensive! Regarding other toys, I find my children don't miss anything that disappears (Disappears).

- Our most beloved toys are, for the most part, gifts ... Sleep Sheep comes to mind. My brother sent Sleep Sheep for Ava two Christmases ago and it is CHERISHED. We all love sleep sheep, even John and I. We have a set of cardboard stacking blocks that a neighbor gave us when Claire was a baby ... we play with those nearly every day. Our toys are used again and again, I think mostly because they are usually put away which adds to their allure. What is more fun than dumping a word whammer and 26 letters out of a box onto the floor?! Also, we try to think of interesting alternate uses for toys. A shapesorter makes a great place to sit, Claire has discovered. I realized that, if you lay nesting boxes on their sides and whack them with something stick like, they form a sort of piano, with each size box making its own sound. Sometimes a toy will go unused for many weeks and then be rediscovered by excited toddlers. Look! A wind up TV that plays two songs!

- Toys (and little girls), don't belong on tables, but we do have a counter that serves as an observation deck for toys waiting for diners to finish their meals. Ava even allows Sleep Sheep to sit there without a struggle.

I continue to hone my methods as time marches on. I am getting mentally prepared to unearth those awful newborn toys that do nothing but rattle, clink or crinkle except take up tons of room ... exersaucers, baby gyms, the swing ...